There is an apocalypse coming. Ok, maybe that’s too strong. But c’mon – have you seen all the unicorn mom stuff across the web?! Is that normal?
So yes, a word of warning, if you are just looking for the usual trendy mom stuff – this post is not exactly about unicorns. Or unicorn parties. Or unicorn coffee. Do you get the point? But I’ll get back to those fantastic creatures if that is what brought you here, just give me a couple of minutes of digressing.
The unicorn moms? What are you actually talking about?
In case that is a completely new subject to you – unicorns became wildly popular some time ago. It is great for gadgets producers, clothing, toys and stationery brands. But an online world took it as far as it goes as a symbol.
If someone wanted whatever to be trendy and seen as unique, they named it unicorn whatever. Since moms are huge audience on the social media the obvious happened. I believe that is how the term unicorn mom came to life. If you have a different opinion, let me know in the comments, I’ll be happy to discuss!
Related post: Balance in Mom’s Life – is that a joke?
To make it even more confusing, there are two mainstreams defining who the unicorn mom really is.
You must be hooked at this point, huh?
Rebelled unicorn mom (current, coined term)
If you google “unicorn mom” you will read the definition either from the urban dictionary or from the blog that promotes the movement. You will learn that those are moms who enjoy alcohol and fun, who don’t care what others think and most of all are ok with being imperfect.
Unique/Mystic unicorn mom (more intuitive definition)
If you dig a little deeper you would find other definitions, like this one:
“This mom might be famous on Pinterest. She’s beautiful. There’s a reclaimed barn door somewhere in her home. Her equally beautiful child dresses better than you and is named Acorn, Thibault or Luca.”
Although to be absolutely fair – this is the text from 2014. This is like two centuries in the Internet years. That is why I asked around. I focused on the not-really-following-trends group of moms I know to maintain the objectivity. Unanimously, they said that term unicorn mom brings the perfect mom picture to their mind.
As you can imagine, those perfect Stepford’s wife/moms will not be my main topic. So let’s switch back to the first, currently trending term.
Like it? Don’t like it?
Now, to be honest. This rather rebellious definition of unicorn moms and all the stuff related to it, like the I-don’t-need-to-be-perfect feeling, like taking care about myself, not giving a thing about what others think, all of this speaks to me. In capital letters. It’s my language.
But I cannot get rid of this impression that this is just another label. Do you see the irony here? This whole movement is about not judging, not caring, being yourself and going with the flow. Still, it creates another group you can sign in to. Even literally – there is an official Facebook group.
I just don’t see here the most important (for me) part of the equation. Children.
Related post: This is why your kids are not listening to you!
Why could this be really important?
[Before I will go on: I know that being a mom doesn’t mean you are not a person anymore and you don’t deserve a life. I really know. And totally agree. Read on!]
Does it really matter that kids are rarely mentioned at all when one’s talking about unicorn moms? Just as much as the role of motherhood in your life. Here’s the thing, when you become a mom, your world turns upside down. I would even say the gravity shifts a bit because suddenly it’s not all about you.
And (in my humble opinion) learning that it is absolutely ok that not everything is me-centered anymore is one of the hardest life lessons.
It’s only natural to feel discomfort (to say the least) when you kind of want to be a bit selfish, but you know it’s not appropriate when you are a mom, stereotypically the picture of perfect altruism. What is worse, people generally are egoistic, hedonistic and motivated by profits.
But being aware of this stuff should help us be better people. After all, that is what differentiates people from animals – the possibility of shaping ourselves the way we want to be.
This should help us redefine ourselves into best mothers we can be. And whatever kind of mother you want to be, the kid IS in the center of your universe.
Where is the danger in the unicorn mom world?
I am all about “hey mom, you are your own person” and “you should have your own life” stuff. But here’s how it works in my head:
I am a mom.
I was given this little bundle of love, who trusts me unconditionally that I will help him/her turn into a decent adult human being.
This child is the most important part of my being.
Simultaneously, I have never lost any of the self-love I had before (think about this bit cheesy quote love is the only thing that multiplies by dividing it).
I take care of myself because I want to be the best mom (and wife by the way).
What is important I am not aiming in perfect but in efficient, I don’t label myself, I do my thing, I am not hurt if somebody judges me according to their own standards and so on and on, all for the same reason. I am a mom and those are the values I want to teach my kids.
Just think about it, if you want your children not to label others, not to be judgmental, why would you have the need to well, label yourself as a freakin’ unicorn.
Yes, the real question here is about you! Why it’s important for you to express how beautiful, bossy and bitchy you are? (Not my words, that’s taken from the googled definition.)
Related post: To every SAHM – have you ever?
Nevertheless, it’s a thing now. It’s a trend. So apparently that is what moms need.
Don’t you find this fascinating?
We live in the world where moms have the need to make it understandable that they are… basically human.
Yeah, you read that right.
Isn’t getting boring to decide if you’re a perfect or imperfect mom? To worry if you are judged or not and by who? Have women 200 years ago worried about that stuff too or is it more a millennials’ thing?
Couldn’t we just accept that motherhood (and parenthood at all) is a mission and treat it as one? Otherwise, we are really close to the apocalypse of some kind. Mompocalypse if you will.
7 ways to survive in the unicorn mom world.
Yet, we’re living in the world of unicorn moms and similar stuff, so here’s what I would advise to do to survive (take it with the pinch of the salt, please) :
- If you see drama – run away fast! You don’t need it.
- If your kids drive you crazy, first check if they are not acting like you sometimes do (food for thought?), then look for some distance. Literally and figuratively.
- Accept that struggle is a part of life, it is not limited to motherhood. This has nothing to do with your children, it is more related to your ability to face the world every day.
- Believe it or not, the facts speak for itself – it is possible to be a woman, mom, wife, daughter and so on, all the roles in one person. There is nothing bad to be confused in the roles once in a while as long as you are able to remember two things: 1. what your values are and 2. the mantra “you can do it all, bedtime is soon”.
- You are living your life. You will be judged, but it is your decision what will you do with that. (Remember the first bullet!) Not the thing that comes into you is important but what comes out of you – so smile and do your stuff, to be the best mom you want to be.
- Take a break – NOT from being a mom, but from noise, being constantly active and reactive, all the stimuli.
- Stress less, redefine more!
How to put the magic back into unicorns?
There you have it. Unicorns, as Greeks believed, were strong and fierce. Those are the features we should be aiming at. Let’s not mix drinking wine to relax after a hard day, striving for perfection, carelessness with motherhood, because that just put us, moms, in the bad spotlight.
Simply, be grateful for what you are blessed with. Be the glittery mystic creature from the t-shirts as a loving and lovable, sometimes more, sometimes less charming example for your kids!
* End of the rant *